So now, #Disney is going to allow pets to stay at some of their resorts? We stayed at the Art of Animation before, it’s nice but small. Can’t imagine staying in one of those rooms after someone gave their Great Dane a shower or tried to flush it’s poop down the toilet. I think if they are going to allow pets to stay at the resort they should probably need to be charged a room rate. Before you know it you are going to see dogs in strollers pushed by pet parents.
When a hurricane is there
The park will be closed and you won’t be able to get through the gates, well you probably could, but you would go to jail.
When it’s hot
You will sweat profusely and you will get dehydrated if you don’t buy the $4 bottles of water. Don’t drink the soda and beer or you will dehydrate faster. And be broker faster
When there are numerous amount of people there
Holiday’s and weekends are the worst, and holiday weekends are a no-brainier to stay away.
When you just bought new shoes
That is, unless you like blisters on your feet. Never take a brand new pair of shoes into the park. Don’t buy a brand new pair of waterproof timberland boots for your July trip. You will be filled with suffering.
When a new ride is open
Well, it might be a good time to visit other areas of the parks
When a new area is open
I can’t imagine what masses of humanity will be drawn to the parks once Toy Story Land and Star Wars Galaxies Edge are open.
Remember, there is no slow season no matter what anyone tells you. If you are going to go, just do it and enjoy your time. If someone says they got on all the rides with no waiting they are lying, and you shouldn’t be friends with liars.
There have been a few times when I felt like my bladder would stretch beyond capacity and burst inside my body. However there is one time that stands out more than most. The first anniversary of my marriage, my spouse and I decided to visit Orlando Florida for the first time together. Little did she know that it would soon become an obsession and I would want to go every year or maybe even move there.
During this time in my life I was very successful in losing weight with diet, exercise and a pill called Xenadrine which was a diuretic. I also drank a couple of 20 oz Diet Mountain Dews that morning as well. Needless to say, fluids would eventually need to exit my body. We were driving through South Carolina when the urge began to build. It’s one of those times when you say to yourself, “I can make it one more exit”. Well, the last time I said that, I must have missed the sign that said next rest area 1000 miles.
We finally made it to the Georgia welcome center and I must have urinated for 20 minutes. If you have kids, stop at every rest area, it’s good for you to stretch your legs and for them to empty their bladders. Otherwise they will need to go 20 minutes before you get home and there is nowhere to stop except that gas station that people are murdered in. Plus, you don’t want them to pee on the side of the road and end up in jail for public urination.
I’ve actually only flown first class once in my life. I was booking a client trip and saw that one of the legs was cheaper if I booked first class. I saved the client $200 on airfare by doing so. However, when my expense report was turned in to the client it was rejected because I didn’t book an economy flight. Common sense < Business sense.
However here are a few tips if you do get to fly first class.
- Stand in the sky priority lane upon arrival at the gate, this lets other know you are first class
- As you pass the attendant get that Jack and Coke drink order started.
- Here you have a few options
- Pretend to be in such a relaxed mode that you can barely keep your eyes open.
- Crack open the laptop and bang away at those keys as to show how important and busy you are.
- Chug that first Jack and Coke and order another
- Be the guy that stares at everyone who walks buy. Don’t forget to smirk
- Don’t forget to cross your legs so that you can show the economy passengers how much seat and leg room you have
- Sit in economy by mistake. When someone comes along and says you have their seat, show them your ticket and say “Oh yeah, I’m in first class” Don’t forget your 3rd glass of Jack and Coke that you brought with you.
This guy is making eye contact with every passenger so that he can give you a smirk that he’s in first class and you are not. While other people are pretending to work, sleep, or downing their 3rd jack and coke, this guy is soaking up the envy like a shamwow in cat urine.
I usually like to save my best fart when I’m walking through first class just for this fella. This is another good reason first class should be loaded last.
First of all, pets are not children, they are animals. Yes, children are technically animals but they are a higher class and they eventually can clean up their own feces. Dogs can not unless you consider eating feces cleaning up. Thankfully, my children have never ate their own poop, that I know of.
More and more I’m seeing dogs in strollers and in baby carriers at airports. People are using “service dogs” for all sorts of reasons. There are people who actually need service dogs and I understand that. But some people are severely allergic to dogs. If you are sitting near a dog, you are going to have a bad flight, especially if the dog takes a dump in the seat.
Bumper stickers are taking shots at parents by saying that their dog is smarter than your honor student. Nonsense, let’s see your dog use a pencil and write their name or enter a spelling bee. Women proudly display “Dog Mom” on their cars, but we already have another name for that and it probably fits the bill.
Honestly, I wish raising kids was as easy as having a pet, but it’s not near as rewarding. Kids are awesome and not just because they don’t eat their own feces.
So Disney has decided to remove the “human trafficking” scene in the popular Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland and Magic Kingdom. Yes, the pirates ride. Just look up what real pirates pirates have done in the past. So if you really think about it, the whole ride should be shut down. This scene is about to be removed but, war mongering, torture, arson, thievery, drunkenness, domestic violence towards men scenes will stay.
Please just leave the rides alone.