This was confirmed once I saw a parent asking to take a picture of their kid after the baseball season ended. The parent wanted a pose with the trophy, but the kid held up his post game hot dog instead. These participation trophies are to make the parents feel better about their kid not being good at their sport. Kids love to play the sport, they like the free snack after the game and just to get away from you for an hour or so. If your kids cries after a ground out then ease back on the expectations and let them fail every once and awhile.
Get in the Hole
This is shouted from a par 5 tee shot. Maybe more appropriate when someone is on the green or chipping and the ball brushes past the hole. Nah, it’s never good to say this. It’s just annoying.
Drive for show, putt for dough
This is said as a passive aggressive insult whenever you out drive your playing partner. Works out well if you put your next shot near the pin and tap in for birdie or eagle. Hopefully after they’ve 3 putted for double bogey they will shut up.
Whenever someone lands in the sand trap some will reference one of the following phrases. “Nice day for the beach”, “Did you bring your sunscreen?”
“Get your snorkel” or “That one didn’t skip.”
When you hit a good shot
“That’s a golf shot right there”. But aren’t they all golf shots? Even the ones that skip across the green from a bladed chip shot that goes into the green side bunker or lake filled with alligators and snapping turtles?
It’s tempting to coach from the sidelines, but if you must, remember these helpful tips.
- Tell your kid to hit the ball when they are up to bat
- Also to swing at strikes
- And don’t swing at balls
- When they hit, tell them to run, ruN, rUN, RUN!
- Tell them to run hard!
- Tell your kid to throw the ball when they catch it.
- If they are a pitcher, tell them to throw strikes.
Stand as close to your kid as the fences allow. You can also put your mouth between the steel cage diamonds and shout unimpeded. Have some prearranged after the game system of punishment if they didn’t measure up to your expectations. Let them know during the game that you are keeping track of all their mistakes.
Also, don’t do any of these things. Let the coaches coach and you keep your mouth shut unless you are simply cheering your kid on.
While it’s great that the PGA Tour is changing the rules of golf, but we need change at the local level.
Spread out the tee times
Stop booking tee times ten minutes apart. Even the best players have difficulty finishing a hole in 10 minutes.
If you have a group of four eighty-year-olds, don’t let them go out first and put them in front of four groups of scratch golfers.
Have a specific time of day where you let amateurs play. Spread the tee times about 30 minutes apart to allow for lost ball searching and hitting 3 topped shots out of the fairway.
Some of us don’t like to ride in a cart. We don’t want to be intimidated by carts trying to run us over in the fairway.
They say that exercise is the best anti-depressant. However, if you are walking or running and trip over a curb and shatter your femur then things can get really depressing and fast. You will more than likely be prescribed an addictive pain medication. That will then lead to constipation. So now you can’t exercise or poop. Well, at least you can now take a poopie pill to help out with that.