On being a contrarian…

Do you know someone who is always on the opposite side of your opinion. I’m not talking about your spouse, it’s supposed to be that way. But someone who always starts out their response with “Well, actually…”

Star Wars vs Star Trek, DC vs Marvel, Republican vs Democrat vs some weird 3rd party, Christian vs Pagan (Don’t even get me started on the Religious sub cultures, that’s and issue that loses more friendships than any)

Some people just like to hear your opinion first so they can play “devil’s advocate” and just get on your nerves. It’s tough to be friends with people like this. How do you deal with it? Well, you can always ask a bunch of follow up questions if they are the type of person that makes statements. The best way is just to keep quiet and not share your opinions. Someone can’t shoot you down if you don’t give them any ammo. Read twitter posts, Facebook status and just grin and move on. But you can’t can you? You must be right all the time, so unleash your best with no mercy and enjoy no friendships. I should delete this blog…

 

How does the average person fix climate change?

What are we supposed to do now that the majority of the developed world now has access to clean water and clean air because of fossil fuels? Fossil fuels are cheap, plentiful and because of technology we’ve made them clean than ever. Still people are freaking out about climate change aka “Global Warming”. Here’s what to do.

Stop using your AC/Heat

Want to stop using fossil fuels? Then don’t heat or cool your house. Each year the planet gets hotter because people are using air conditioning or heating their house because they get cold.

Stop showering

Your sweat will be your shower from not using your HVAC system. Since we have greater access to clean and drinkable water because of fossil fuels, we should now use less.

Stop flushing your toilet

Let it flush automatically buy the natural volume of your excrement. Again forget clean water, treat your house like a porta potty.

Don’t buy groceries

No groceries equals no trash and no landfills, grow all your own food, but only vegetables.

Ride your bike everywhere

Including your trek across America with your family of four. Remember having more than two children effects climate change.

It seems to me that Hollywood wants to turn all of their viewers into a third world country because of climate change. Remember, movies became popular because they were the first to get air conditioning. Maybe if we stop cooling our theaters then our celebrity elite will wake up.

New Facebook Game

Here’s a new Facebook game to try.

  1. Look at your friends list
  2. See who has the most friends
  3. Unfriend that “friend”
  4. See how long it takes for them to send you a friend request
  5. Repeat every week until you have no friends

Chances are, if someone has 3000+ friends they won’t notice you’ve unfriended them until they see you pop up on the “Find New Friends” or “People you may know” feature. Hopefully Facebook has it in their algorithms that you don’t surface again.

Have fun, enjoy and tell a “friend”!

 

Do you still hold hands?

I’ve never understood why people hold hands. I see many couples holding hands in public places. To me, it’s a signal that the person is saying, “Hey look at me, I’ve got another human as my companion, aren’t you jealous?” I also think these person are insecure and they need to hold that person’s hand because they are low in self confidence or just prideful and showing off. However,¬† my children hold my hand when we are in walking across the interstate. So there’s that.

Least favorite phrases 

  1. In a song – “come what may” I used to think this says “come with me”, but in our nouns as verbs society, a better phase would be. “because of happen”
  2. In a movie – “weren’t not in Kansas anymore” unless it’s the wizard of oz. This usually happens when some doesn’t recognize their surroundings or in up in strange place.
  3. At work – “can I ask you a quick question” the question is always quick, but it’s the answer that takes forever. The “quick” question is usually a sign someone is about to dump some work on you and take the credit.

Stare at the wall…

Instead of looking at your smartphone while waiting for a table at a restaurant, simply stare at the wall in front of you. People will eventually look there too. Well, not really, they are too busy interacting with other people via their smart device because people have forgotten how to talk to other humans.

Riding on the elevator? Turn to the rear and stare at the wall. When you exit, walk backwards.

While using the urinal, stare at the wall, seriously, this is no time for wandering eyeballs. In a doctors office? Stare at the wall, don’t answer any of their questions, you will probably get a free ride to a nice padded room. Then you can stare at the wall all you want. Dreams come true!

Text message reply time…

  • Your spouse: Immediate
  • Your co-workers: 15-20 minute delay if you are dumb enough to give them your personal cell phone.
    • Don’t set expectations too high for your availability
  • Family members
    • Parents: within the hour, or next day, depending on the guilt trip that’s attached
    • Siblings: 1 day
    • Cousins: 2-3 days
  • People who want a favor: delete immediately and never respond.

What is your standard text message reply time? Comment below.