When you go to someone's house and use the bathroom, which ever way the toilet paper is installed, switch it to the other direction.
I used to have shared cubicle space with an ice cruncher. She even brought ice in from home to work, all day long, every day.
I don’t even like the computer game solitaire because of the sound of shuffling cards. Shuffling cards once is ok, but when you get all OCD and start shuffling them over and over, that’s enough.
Some people never learned how to chew gum and I’m assuming they are just as bad at eating food, or they crunch ice. Blowing a bubble then inverting it into your mouth as you pop is several times
This goes along with ice crunching, but there are some people who sound like they are eating rocks no matter what the food type is. The sound rattles around their skull until it sounds like they are breaking off their teeth at the gum line. Sometimes, you can hear people eating beans and the sound of the bean paste sticking to their teeth.
They have a great feel and feedback, but they sounds like marbles being spilled on a tile floor. It doesn’t matter if they are a great typist or a hunt and pecker, both are equally annoying.
Hearing someone speak who has a dry mouth is probably one of the worst sounds anyone can make. It’s even more tortuous is the person is speaking in front of a large crowd and is using a microphone.
Here’s how to get a deal on those roadside watermelons. You can get 1 for $6 dollars or 2 for $10. Buy two of them and then ask to return one of them. Since 1 watermelon is worth $6 dollars you end up paying only $4 for the 1 watermelon. It’s a great deal. If they don’t accept returns, just smash both of your watermelons all over the pavement so that the onlookers can see. It’s only $10, and how fun is it to smash a watermelon? Just ask Gallagher.
Well, obviously it was chasing after the other chicken. Which came first the chicken or the egg? I’ve always believed it was the chicken. But if a chicken isn’t a “bird of the sky” was the chicken created on day six instead of day five?
Growing up, I had a friend that had several holes punched in the walls of his bedroom. This happened every time he got angry with his girlfriend. Amazingly, every hole punch missed the stud. So whenever I need to hang a picture, I call this guy.
If you have to use a porta potty, find the largest one, chances are there is a dry patch for you to stand in while your try to hit the target.
Don’t you love it when you go over to someones house and it’s spotless? Well, it’s because you planned the visit. Go over in about a week but unannounced. If it’s still spotless don’t stay friends with that person. They will just make you feel bad.
However, if you invite someone over, please clean you house. Once they get there say things like. “Sorry this place is such a mess” Then you can make them feel bad and they will think you have such higher cleaning standards. Then they will not be your friend anymore.