How to choose exercise equipment

It’s frustrating to purchase exercise equipment. Not because it’s expensive but there are unrealistic expectation in the commercials. You always see super fit people using the equipment. Why not show some regular people or some people who are really out of shape struggling to untangle themselves from the BoFlex cables. Show us how easy it is to use. Don’t show us some elite athlete who is maxing out the equipment. You are setting us up for failure.

Are you afraid of the dentist?

I’ll admit, I’m absolutely terrified of the dentist. When I was four years old I had many teeth pulled without being properly numbed. I was a sickly child so all the medicine I took rotted my baby teeth so they had to come out. I don’t remember much, but it was dark and there were pink and blue lights everywhere. Maybe that’s what trauma looks like to a 4 year old. I remember every subsequent dental visit my mother bought me a toy afterwards.

My moms took me for one last cleaning in 1991 (never got that toy) and I didn’t go again until 2008. Yes, 17 years! It wasn’t a good experience when I went back. Not that my teeth were in bad shape, but the dentist I went to was an old man who was a dentist in the Army. It felt like he took out each individual tooth, cleaned it, and put it back into the socket. The last time I went was 2011, I had two cleanings, first time I had no cavity creeps. On the second visit 6 months later they said I had 7 cavities. So I’m guessing they rubbed something on my teeth to make them rot. I haven’t been back and my teeth are still fine.

I take my kids to the dentist every 6 months for a cleaning, but these kids have it easy. Their dentist has video games in the waiting area, super cool themed office and TV screens in the ceiling so they can watch DVDs while they get dental work done. When I was a kid, we just sat in a white room in a metal chair while some old man with super minty breath yanked on our teeth for 30 minutes. As a bonus we had to sit still with a mouth guard full of goop that tasted like sauerkraut water.

Entresto has the most depressing commercial

My vote goes to Entresto because it reminds you that you can die at any moment. The actors are singing about tomorrow and of course you are not promised tomorrow unless you take these drugs. Lots of imagery of Grandparents with babies and young children. Fathers getting ready for their daughters wedding. They went all out to pull at those heart strings. I understand that sometimes drugs are necessary to keep us alive, but we need to be careful because this commercial makes me want to start taking them as a safeguard.

What is the best sunscreen?

I’ve tried about everything there is and will still get burned. Reapplication doesn’t help, it only allows more roasting. There is no greater feeling than taking a hot shower after a day of being in the sun and you find out what spots you missed.

The best sunscreen is called the house. Staying inside a house is very effective at blocking UV rays. You have to stay away from windows as well. Pull the shades and curtains and turn off all the lights. Stay away from people too, that will help.

 

How to deal with kidney stone pain

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Since I get kidney stones about once a year, here are some practical tips that I’ve learned over the years.

First, it’s better to not get a kidney stone. I’ve learned that I need to drink plenty of water before I spend the next two days outside in the heat and humidity. This was the case for my latest bout with a ureter rock. I also stay away from black tea. While I love a good glass of tea, I’d rather not try to pee a pebble into a strainer for some doctor to analyze.

So, how to deal with the pain? The first thing I do is start chugging water by the liter. This will start to hydrate the kidneys and get them working to flush out the gravel from your pee pipes.  Kidney stone pain is one of the worst pains I’ve ever felt, so you can try to throw a pain killer at it, but it will be shot blocked like Manute Bol over Muggsy Bogues.  (Sadly, Bol died of Kidney failure)

This is not a fun ride down the slip and slide to your bladder. The best advice is to mix up equal parts lemon juice and olive oil and drink a shot glass full. Don’t puke it up, otherwise it won’t work. So try small sips over about 15 minutes or so. It will grease the chute and start breaking down the boulder.  Grab a six pack of Guinness Extra Stout, this has worked wonders for me. The beer will help break down the stone and ease the passing, plus the alcohol will help ease some of the pain. Once the plinko chip scrapes and rattles its way to your bladder the pain will subside, but if you are a male, then the fun isn’t quite over yet. Get more Guinness!

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Had to get the morphine for red pee pee

However, if the pain is making you want to pass out, throw up, and/or urinate blood, then get yourself to the emergency room. You might be dealing with a stone that even an angel can’t roll away. BTW, this too shall pass is not in the bible. Good luck!

Cigarette pack smackers…

Why do people smack their cigarette packs before they open them? Is that so they can announce to the people around them that they are smokers so they can get more attention? Is it like ringing a bell?

I’m guessing it’s to line all the cigarettes up near the top so they can easily extract a cancer stick.