Craving taters?

Freezer full of fries

Ever since I started the slow carb diet, potatoes are a staple of cheat day. In fact I try to have them at every meal. Crispy rounds for breakfast, waffles fries for lunch and tater tots for dinner.

I bought a small deep fryer just for potatoes. I use only peanut oil to fry them. First I fry them for about a minute at 325 degrees. I then crank up the temperature to 375 and finish them off by noticing the color of the tater. Double frying them as described produces the coveted, “crispy on the outside, tender in the inside” cliche.

I’m probably eating so many taters because my potassium gets so low because this diet sucks it out of your body. There’s probably a more healthful way to eat taters, but I only got one day to eat them, and one life to live.

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Why I will never buy gold

Fox News had someone hocking gold on just about every commercial. The pitch is that gold is going to skyrocket in the future as it has done in the past. By jumping into the gold rush you will be super wealthy and you would be insane not to do so.

So why is now the perfect time to buy gold? Well, the best reason I can guess is someone got duped into buying gold and want to unload it to you so they can get some real money. I will never buy gold as an investment because to me it’s worthless. What am I going to do with a bunch of gold in someone else’s safe? Or why would I be crazy enough to put a bunch of gold in my house. Who robs you house of gold? What are we in the old west?

When the feces hits the fan, no one is going to want your gold. They will want food, water, and other commodities. I can’t pay for my kids college with shiny metal. I can’t walk into a dealership with a brick of gold and buy a new pickup truck. If gold was so valuable why do these cash for gold places rip you off for your fine jewelry. Sounds like a scam too me. I’ll stick with burying my money in the ground in only places I know about.

*Gold chicken though, that’s another story.

What’s wrong with preservatives?

Food companies are always bragging about having no preservatives or artificial ingredients in their products. However, food waste is at an all time high. Why, do you think this is happening? It’s because all the preservatives are gone to make it last longer. Plus, people are still dying. If we added more preservatives to our food then we can live longer as the artificial ingredients will preserve our internal organs.

Do people still litter?

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Pennywise will come eat you if you litter.

Yes they do, and I’m not sure why. Well, for one it’s easier to throw your garbage out of the window for someone else to deal with. What’s not easy is putting your trash in your map pocket of your car, or God forbid you have small trash bag in your car, and then emptying it out at the next destination.

The worst litter job I’ve ever seen was a man throwing entire bags of McDonald’s drive through out of his window. Not sure if he didn’t like the food or maybe his family didn’t appreciate all the hard work he performed that week and he disposed of their dinner in protest of their ungratefulness. Nonetheless, I saw the car rock back and forth and then three large bags of food went flying. They were full bags too, fries burst out and went everywhere.

 

How to reverse sear your steak.

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Weber Grill at the Weber Grill, Chicago

I’ve been eating steak since before I had teeth. Anyway, that’s what my hope is. My thought is my parents would put a fresh grilled steak in the blender and feed it to me in baby food form. However, in my adult form I’ve adopted the reverse sear method of cooking steak. It’s very easy and gives you consistent delicious results.

  • Purchase a 1″ thick steak. Ribeye is my favorite, reminder do not steal it.
  • Bring it up to room temperature. Some rooms are warmer than others, so I suggest about 72 degrees
  • Pre-heat oven to 225 degrees. No, not the microwave oven.
  • Cover with kosher salt and pepper, or Chicago/Montreal Steak Seasoning
  • Cook 15 minutes per big side, don’t try to stand the steak on it’s end
  • Steak should be at 130 degrees. If you are 105 degrees, go to a ER
  • Rest for 10 minutes, you too, you’ve been working hard
  • Heat a cast iron skillet with bacon fat as hot as you can get it, but don’t touch it with your index finger.
  • Sear on both side for about 1 to 2 minutes.
  • Rest for 10 more minutes.
  • Eat your steak, it should be nice and medium rare with a nice crust on the outside.

How hot is too hot sauce?

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Wall of Sauce at Heaven on 7th in Chicago

There are sauces that are hot and full of flavor and there are sauces that so hot they are just full of hatred. I’ve tasted some mighty hot sauces in my day but there comes a point when you’ve got to put your pride aside and try to enjoy some flavor rather that just pure heat.

My latest encounter with heat was with Hattie B’s “Shut the cluck up” hot chicken. It was full of flavor but the heat was almost unbearable potentially ruining the meal. There’s a fine line between heat and taste. You want to tip toe the line as to know cause hiccups or a vomit reflex. But you want enough heat to induce sweating and a slight watering of the eyes.

Here are my top hottest things ever that have left a scar on my memory, in no particular order.

  • Eating a Tabasco pepper from bottle at Po’Folks restaurant when I was a kid, first time ever trying anything hot. I was hooked!
  • Hattie B’s Chicken, it might have been awhile since I ate something this hot so I must have lost some of tolerance
  • Grilled Red Jalapeno at  family cookout. I can’t remember if it was a Jalapeno or Habanero, but I just picked it up and at it. I ate the whole thing at once and it really hurt my face and body.
  • First taste of viscous viper hot sauce. I was eating at a restaurant in Hardy Arkansas and put too much on my food.
  • Braveheart wings from Wild Wing Cafe in Charleston, SC. I ordered six of them and ate them all, and regretted it after the first bite. The next day was even worse.
  • Bushido’s level 10 Sushi roll. I had to sign a release form.

If we are being honest, the whole point of heating hot food is so you don’t have to share with your family.

How to ruin your coffee experience

Stale Makers

The only thing worse than buying ground coffee is grinding it yourself in the store. Coffee goes stale in two minutes after grinding, so you are actually wasting your time to make your coffee worse. Not only that but you are mingling your select beans with somebody who just chewed up 20 pounds of Folgers in these worn out gears. Buy a good burr grinder for your home counter top. Grind just what you need for your preferred brewing method.