Biscuit bag fail

I don’t know if there is some insider secret but my success rate with opening biscuit bags is about 1%. It’s simple right? Tear here and then pull apart the zip lock seal. Almost never happens for me. I tear, I rip, and I split. You might ask, why am I eating frozen biscuits and not farm to table ones? I eat frozen biscuits because I don’t eat them very often and they are easy. I can’t tell the difference in a fresh and a frozen biscuit and I don’t live near a Tudors so it’s not that big of a deal to me. I just hope they invent some better biscuit bag technology. Maybe I’m just too impatient when opening the bag?

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How to get free coffee at Swan and Dolphin


I recently stayed at the Swan and Dolphin resort inside Walt Disney World during a company retreat. It’s a really nice hotel and something I wouldn’t choose to stay at normally. The cafes and restaurants are out of this world expensive so I can see why someone would want to float the bill to someone else. I had a large purchase on my room and it turned out to be $28 worth of food at the Java bar. I at first thought it was an in room charge for using the Starbucks coffee pods.

When I checked in, their credit card machine was down. So they used one of those carbon copy machines to do an imprint. I’m shocked those things still exist. I assumed someone found my card and went caffeine crazy. To my dismay, all someone had to do is write down a room number to charge it. You should have to at least verify the name or show some I.D. This hotel went retro with the credit and mistakes were made. The good thing is they gave me my money back, but the guy in accounting didn’t act like he believed me. I said I have a digital trail that shows I was in Hollywood Studios during the time off purchase. But the tone from him was “Yeah, sure”. Oh well, at least someone got free coffee overpriced coffee.

Super Simple Sunday Sausage Gravy

It doesn’t have to be difficult. Well, it can be if you decide to scratch make your own biscuits from flour you’ve harvested and milk you’ve pulled from the cow. You can also raise your own pigs and grow your own herbs, invest in a meat grinder and create your own sausage. That’s pretty much how the description goes for any Food Network show that creates this dish. Not worth the effort. Here’s a quick fix.

  1. Cook as many Mary B’s buttermilk biscuits as you desire
  2. A roll of Jimmy Dean Sage Sausage, brown it, don’t over cook it
  3. Cover the browned sausage with 1/4 cup of flour
  4. Pour in 2 cups of whole milk over the floury sausage
  5. Add some salt and pepper
  6. Let it get thick and bubbly
  7. Cut the biscuits in half and pour over the sausage gravy.
  8. Eat it
  9. Or you can put it all in a Vitamix blender with a bit of extra milk and have a Sausage Gravy Shake.

Craving taters?

Freezer full of fries

Ever since I started the slow carb diet, potatoes are a staple of cheat day. In fact I try to have them at every meal. Crispy rounds for breakfast, waffles fries for lunch and tater tots for dinner.

I bought a small deep fryer just for potatoes. I use only peanut oil to fry them. First I fry them for about a minute at 325 degrees. I then crank up the temperature to 375 and finish them off by noticing the color of the tater. Double frying them as described produces the coveted, “crispy on the outside, tender in the inside” cliche.

I’m probably eating so many taters because my potassium gets so low because this diet sucks it out of your body. There’s probably a more healthful way to eat taters, but I only got one day to eat them, and one life to live.

Why I will never buy gold

Fox News had someone hocking gold on just about every commercial. The pitch is that gold is going to skyrocket in the future as it has done in the past. By jumping into the gold rush you will be super wealthy and you would be insane not to do so.

So why is now the perfect time to buy gold? Well, the best reason I can guess is someone got duped into buying gold and want to unload it to you so they can get some real money. I will never buy gold as an investment because to me it’s worthless. What am I going to do with a bunch of gold in someone else’s safe? Or why would I be crazy enough to put a bunch of gold in my house. Who robs you house of gold? What are we in the old west?

When the feces hits the fan, no one is going to want your gold. They will want food, water, and other commodities. I can’t pay for my kids college with shiny metal. I can’t walk into a dealership with a brick of gold and buy a new pickup truck. If gold was so valuable why do these cash for gold places rip you off for your fine jewelry. Sounds like a scam too me. I’ll stick with burying my money in the ground in only places I know about.

*Gold chicken though, that’s another story.

What’s wrong with preservatives?

Food companies are always bragging about having no preservatives or artificial ingredients in their products. However, food waste is at an all time high. Why, do you think this is happening? It’s because all the preservatives are gone to make it last longer. Plus, people are still dying. If we added more preservatives to our food then we can live longer as the artificial ingredients will preserve our internal organs.