Every Hallmark Christmas movie plot line

Darth Maul Fighting off all Hallmark Emotions

  • Balsam Hill projectile vomits Christmas decorations all over main street, characters homes and office locations.
  • Love interest characters meet each other by chance, a small spark flies
  • There is some sort of problem to solve
  • Characters grow closer together and have many awkward almost kiss moments ruined by kid, or some other annoying character.
  • There is some huge misunderstanding because one character doesn’t have the full context of the situation because they overheard a piece of a phone call and takes it in the worst way possible without any followup questions.
  • Character leaves town
  • Character gets the rest of the information
  • Character shows up a the precise moment when things seem the most bleak.
  • They kiss with 2 minutes left in the movie
  • Credits roll

*No, I don’t watch Hallmark Christmas Movies.


Favorite Christmas Movies


Elf – There is a debate if Will Ferrel is funny or not. I think he’s probably the funniest in this movie and peaked here.

Christmas Vacation – Been watching this every year since 1990. I didn’t see it the first year it was out because all my friends went to the movies and didn’t bother inviting me. I am no longer friends with that “ring leader” for a number of reasons.

Die Hard – Saw this when I was a kid, still watch it every year. Opening gifts and shouting “Yippee Ki Yay MF’er” makes for an interesting morning.

Lethal Weapon – Another Holiday favorite, who doesn’t enjoy Gary Busey’s wrist roasting on an open fire.

Iron Man 3 – I was pumped when I saw Holiday trees in this movie. Also lots of roasting on open fire references as well and the secret Santa for the barn lab at the end (spoiler)

Lord of the Rings, Hobbit, Harry Potter – While not technically Christmas movies they did come out at Christmas time so it counts. Same goes for Star Wars the Force Awakens.

What are some of your favorite Holiday movies?


Curse words in movies

I wish Blu-ray and DVD movies had a feature you can turn on that would replace curse words with the broadcast television curse words. It’s way more appropriate for kids and entertaining for adults. I’ve always thought that if it’s truly funny it doesn’t need a curse word. If you use a curse word you eliminate your joke from a younger audience.

My all time favorites are from Robocop. That’s a whole different movie on television with all the edits.

DC vs Marvel

Why do we have to divide over things like this? I saw Justice League and I loved it! I saw Thor Ragnarok and I loved it! First let me explain that my expectations for movies are incredibly low so anything that I pay $15 for, I will automatically overlook the flaws. I go to be entertained, that is the point!

There are people out there who love to hate on either side. I’m just glad to have these movies in my generation. How can you not be excited to see these characters on the big screen. Some may complain that I titled this “DC vs Marvel”, well why not “Marvel vs DC”, I went alphabetically.

Driving to rent Digital movies

What’s more convenient than downloading a digital movie? Buying a code online, driving to a box, getting a disc, and then downloading a movie and then throwing away some trash. The whole reason I go to Redbox is to get a high quality physical media disc for a second rate movie. I cringe when I watch a movie on demand or Netflix because of buffering and pixelation of the dark backgrounds. I wonder how many movies are streamed at the theater? Would the average movie goer notice the difference?

Spectrum internet monopoly

The only option I have for internet is Spectrum (rhymes with rectum). To get a good deal I have to make the business and residential services compete with each other.

After getting locked into a “deal” for spectrum business class. They started offering lower rates and faster speeds. After several attempts they offered to raise my rate to $349 a month rather than the $100 I’m paying now. Not that good of a deal in my opinion.

So I decided to sign up for residential service at a lower rate and faster speed. But now the tech for business class came by and disconnected me at the street. They truly are separate entities because they don’t check to see if you signed up for another service, they just cut the cord. I called to see if they would come to fix their mistake and they said since I’m a residential custom they wouldn’t touch the line. I said it didn’t stop you from disconnecting my residential a few hours ago.

So now I’m at the mercy of Spectrum. The sad thing is if you are a business customer they will fix your problem within 4 hours, but now that I’m a lowly residential customer I have to wait for the first available appointment. Even though it’s their error.

Is Sirius XM worth the money?

After about a month, Sirius XM gets old and repeaty. I took a trip to the grocery store and heard the long version of the Humpty Dance on Backspin. Once I got tired of the endless loop, I flipped over to 90’s on 9 where the Humpty Dance was just beginning. Also, you can only hear Downtown Julie Brown so many times before you want to jump out of the door on the interstate pavement.

You will get your three month preview whenever you get a new car, but that’s as far as you should go. I made the mistake of getting the 6 month extension for $29 ($36 after fees), so I’m stuck hearing Humpty Hump for a few more months. BTW, Sirius XM doesn’t work well if there are trees around or you pull into a gas station. The signal will go out because you need a line of sight to the satellite.  Once my 6 months is up I’ll be making the switch to Amazon Music Unlimited for $8 a month. That way I can put Humpty on repeat as much as I want.