The new segregation

Privileged Prius Parking

If you really think about it, the hybrids and alternative fuel cars should be forced to park as far away as possible. Allowing them to park so close forces the gas guzzlers to burn more fuel looking for a spot thus forcing more carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. Hybrids are already fuel efficient enough, you don’t need to reward them by giving them the same treatment as handicapped parking. I can understand electric cars being allowed to park close so they can plug into their USB chargers or swap out their D batteries.

Waiting in traffic activities

40 minute wait 30 miles out

On a recent road trip we were traveling back from a smaller road trip after visiting Mammoth Cave National Park. We were about 30 minutes away from our hotel in Nashville when we came to a complete stop. We could see there were only about 50 cars a head of us and emergency workers scrambling to save someone. We waited about 40 minutes. So how do you redeem the time?

Pray for the people involved.
This is the easiest thing to do if you are not first on the scene and try to calm and help the people.

Get out and look
Get out of your car and see if you can see what happens. Cross your arms and pace, this should get things moving.

Bathroom break
Let you kids out to pee on the side of the road. You will never see these people again so it’s OK for a brief period of public urination. The cops are busy anyway.

Complain
Turn the event into a self centered tirade about how much you are being inconvenienced. Say things like, “If they aren’t dead, then they should be in jail for causing such a horrible delay”. You know, terrible things like that.

Repent
For all those terrible thoughts you just had about the terrible wreck. But then rationalize that if it’s only a mere fender bender then they should at least perform communist community service.

Share the road


I don't know who I'm more afraid for. The guy on the bike or the two men putting their faith in that tailgate.

It's fine if you want to ride your bicycle, but c'mon, across the twists and turns of the Great Smoky Mountain Expressway? You put your faith in people who text and drive around kiss your a$$ turns? You are a true adrenaline junkie if the odds of getting smeared all over the side of a mountain are this high.

Traffic Directors…

There is always one person at the four way stop that thinks they are a traffic director. They get there before you and wave you on like it’s their job. Don’t be this person, just follow the rules. A fun twist would be to wave someone on, then go. You might get hit, but the law will be on your side because you were there first and they didn’t go in the nanosecond that you waved them on. Just hope they don’t have a camera.

Wait on a space…

If you are in a parking lot with many open spaces, find someone getting in or out of their car and attempt to park in the space next to them. Try to look as inconvenienced as possible. If you see them trying to pull through the lane in front of them, back into that spot.

How fast is too fast?

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What is the fastest you feel comfortable driving? To me it depends on the vehicle. In my current car I can look down and not realize that I’m going 90mph because of the smoothness. However, in my 1991 Honda Civic I got up to 120mph and it felt like the paint was shaking off. Sometimes keeping up with the flow of traffic even feels dangerous.

Typically I hover around 75 to 80mph, but there is always that one guy who’s in a hurry. I mean, I’m going 90mph and they are right there on my bumper. I can’t even see their headlights. That is, until they start swerving over the lines to get my attention in the side mirrors that I’m going too slow for them. I’m getting to the point where I move to the far right hand lane and set the cruise control and enjoy the increased gas mileage. It’s a bonus if you can draft behind a 18 wheeler.

Those dreams are dashed as soon as you run up on someone doing 10 mph under. Then you have to release the cruise control and manually work the gas pedals and try to merge into the concrete jet stream of cars so you can get back to your coefficient drag.

Let kids ride in the front seat?

When do you let your kids ride in the front seat? Well, hopefully never. Maybe when they are old enough to drive. Once they make that move from the back to front they will try to control the A/C and Sirius settings. We have a 100 pound rule, once they reach that weight threshold, they can sit in the front seat. We figure by then they will be tall enough as well. So we have to control their diet so we don’t end up with a 100 pound 3 foot weeble wobble in the front seat. There are some stipulations.