Avoiding intersections


We know everyone is in a hurry, but just because you think you are special and more important than everyone else doesn’t mean you get to avoid intersections in traffic. We have numerous poorly designed shopping centers my my town with bottlenecks in and out. Luckily we have restaurant parking lots and gas stations next to these busy intersections. This way you can pretend to obtain a fish sandwich from Hardees or a Mountain Dew Pitch Black from the Circle K. However, you can then change your mind at the last minute and avoid a busy intersection.


Making your own lane

Stuck in traffic? Don’t want to wait patiently like everyone else? Make your own lane out of the shoulder of the road. Whenever someone does this and I’m getting off the next exit legally, I match their speed so they have to stay on the shoulder as long as possible. I figure since they wanted to ride on the shoulder and kick up rocks for people behind them they can do it until they are forced to squeeze back in. If they are turning left off the exit then they can make a U turn after they make a right from the shoulder.

Life in the fast lane

Just like the checkout line at Walmart, It doesn’t matter what lane you pick it will be the slowest. Just be patient and don’t deviate from your lane. If you know you need to exit the freeway in a few miles get over to that lane. Nah forget that, ride the fastest lane all the way and squeeze in at the end.

Race in the parking lot

I’ve noticed that there is a sense of anxiety in theme park parking lots. Everyone is in such a hurry to get one extra car ahead. So much so as to almost cause fatal car accidents. Stop and yield sign lose their meaning. Flashing signs that indicate your speed only seem to make you want to get a higher number. For what? One extra parking spot closer to the tram ride? Is vehicular homicide worth it?

Favorite Driving Microaggressions

  • Using your blinker just as someone enters your blind spot, so they have the impression that you will run them off the road
  • Excessively using your wiper fluid so that it sprays on the car behind you.
  • Staying in the blind spot waiting for someone to enter your lane as you are inches from their rear bumper
  • Hanging your cigarette hand out of the car window
  • Not repairing dents and dings so others know you don’t care what happens to your car
  • Easing two wheels on the line as to look around the car in front of you so that you can see what the holdup is.
  • Driving in the middle lane, and riding close to the line when a car passes as if there are magnets in your side panels

Blocking people in

Backing in won’t help you if someone blocks you in. Is there enough space to get out? Well, it depends on how much damage you are willing to allow to your vehicle. Don’t attempt to block in a car that is old and busted. If so, this is plenty of room to get another automobile’s paint swatched on your car.

Text message response time

My text messages response time is quicker than ever before because of the new iOS features. But as you can see there are still ways to distract your friend who is driving. Just type “urgent”, really? That’s all it takes to derail your friend into the ditch?

The easiest way to drive yourself into oncoming traffic is to simply turn off the feature.