Boarding the plane…

It’s important to rush the door when boarding a plane, even if you are seated in the back. Make it difficult for others to board by blocking their path. Have a look of desperation on your face, clutch your ticket like you might miss your plane.

Cigarette pack smackers…

Why do people smack their cigarette packs before they open them? Is that so they can announce to the people around them that they are smokers so they can get more attention? Is it like ringing a bell?

I’m guessing it’s to line all the cigarettes up near the top so they can easily extract a cancer stick.

Talking politics…

The worst thing about talking to people who are on the opposite side of the aisle regarding politics is that they are always wrong, and they feel the same way about you. It’s almost as bad as talking about religion with someone. The sad thing is, politics deal with your everyday life and religion deals with your eternal life. Both are important, but so divisive.

The non-listener airline passenger

  • Opens the tray table upon arriving to their seat.
  • Also reclines their seat
  • Keeps their phone active after several attempts by the flight attendant to switch to airplane mode.
  • Uses noise cancelling headphones so they don’t hear the snack options and they have to be repeated
  • Goes to the bathroom once the plane starts to land.
  • Reclines seat upon landing after flight attendant has sit down
  • Opens tray table and turns begins to text message.
  • Unbuckles seat belt once plane has landed.

Saturday sideline coaching…

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It’s tempting to coach from the sidelines, but if you must, remember these helpful tips.

  • Tell your kid to hit the ball when they are up to bat
    • Also to swing at strikes
    • And don’t swing at balls
  • When they hit, tell them to run, ruN, rUN, RUN!
    • Tell them to run hard!
  • Tell your kid to throw the ball when they catch it.
  • If they are a pitcher, tell them to throw strikes.

Stand as close to your kid as the fences allow. You can also put your mouth between the steel cage diamonds and shout unimpeded. ┬áHave some prearranged after the game system of punishment if they didn’t measure up to your expectations. Let them know during the game that you are keeping track of all their mistakes.

Also, don’t do any of these things. Let the coaches coach and you keep your mouth shut unless you are simply cheering your kid on.